I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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