i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...