so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.