i jhust puked up my retainher.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?