My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
