If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
