this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
