Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
