My liver just broke up with me...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
