the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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