Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
