you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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