Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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