I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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