in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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