I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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