At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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