This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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