Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
