great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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