we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
