Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
