for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
