1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
