I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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