My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
