I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
