I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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