You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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