You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
