Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
