Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
as a side note pls kill me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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