I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
