every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
