I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
