I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
