you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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