It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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