alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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