She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
