Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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