so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
