You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
