Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
