i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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