I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
