Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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