She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
