I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
