News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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