I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
