he shaved USA in his pubs
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
