She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
