I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
