Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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