So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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