five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
