just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
God I need to hump something, right now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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