She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
