My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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