Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
