You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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